Sunday, April 30, 2017

Baxter Black - Landscaping

Genie noticed the bottle of Jack Daniels on the kitchen table when she got home late that night. Like most lettuce farmers, if whiskey was kept in the house, it was not usually kept on the kitchen table.

She marched in the bedroom to find her husband Don sprawled out on the bed with one pant leg off and one sock on. He looked like a body that had been dragged off the bottom of a lake.

He began shakily, "I was watchin' TV in my shorts when I heard a ruckus on the lawn…and mooing."

Don went to the window and peeked out to discover his front yard covered with cows! They were obviously from neighbor Willie's farm across the road. It was a surreal picture under the yard light; black and tan and red clouds on a sky of green grass.

Don ran out on the porch waving and shouting at the curious beasts. Although the cows paid him little mind, Willie's bull developed an immediate urge to mash him to a pulp! Don did a wheelie on the cement walk and ran back into the house! The bull mounted the porch steps and charged the door! After ramming it several times he clattered through the lawn furniture and mowed down a good sized decorative evergreen!

Don waited a few minutes, put on his jeans and nervously eased out intending to shoosh the cows off the lawn which was now covered with deep tracks and cow pattys. It was just as he stepped on the leaking sprinkler head with his socks on, that the bull charged from behind the arborvitae!

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